#nomakeupselfie?! Really?!

I must admit that when the nomakeupselfie hashtag started cropping up in my social media feeds I was a bit sceptical. 

My initial thought was "Really?! How on earth is this going to help cancer awareness in any way?!". And apologies, but it just seemed a bit vain. 

So my response to being tagged was to side step the selfie and post with this:

#nomakeupselfie? How about donating to a cancer charity?

I suggested three fantastic charities:

• Maggie's Cancer Care Centres: https://www.maggiescentres.org/how-you-can-help/ways-give/
• Leukaemia & Lymphoma Research: http://leukaemialymphomaresearch.org.uk/give
• Cancer Research: https://donate.cancerresearchuk.org/donate.asp?id=1407&amount=2&frequency=R&p=2

Thankfully others had the same idea and before long people were actually truly raising money for charity, as well as awareness. In fact Cancer Research has reported receiving over 1 million pounds in charitable donations since this current selfie craze!

Despite this, I still can't get over the slightly self validating feeling of it all... and don't get me wrong... I posted all about my experiences of cancer on social networks. For some, that may have felt like over-sharing, others may now be thinking "pot, kettle, black".  Plus, I'm not exactly shy about posting photos of myself online. However, I have never been a big fan of the those chain letters guilting you into not breaking the chain... and this feels a bit like that. Plus the expectation of responses of "oh honey, you are a natural beauty" is just a bit too cringe for me.

I think my friend Ali had the best and most memorable post with this:

 "Here's my no make up selfie. I know, shushhhh...I'm just SO blessed"

Haha. Brilliant!

Now whilst I'm still not that keen on uploading a "selfie" for cancer awareness, I respect those that do. You have all done a great job of genuinely raising money and awareness, despite my initial scepticism. So here's my compromise, a photo, not taken by me, without a scratch up of makeup... I was just too busy to even think about mascara... But hush, no affirmations. Thanks ;)

From one adventure to another...

1 & a half stone heavier & fatigued after Chemo
(Photo: Jo Clarke)

This time last year I was recovering from having Chemotherapy for Hodgkin Lymphoma. The battle against cancer was won but I felt utterly broken. Any sense of feeling attractive had gone. I was emotional, fatigued and couldn't imagine ever functioning as the old youthful Kat again.

52 miles at the London Bikeathon
(Photo Kat Howells)

Since then I have slowly improved. My energy has returned... enough to cycle 52 miles and walk 20 miles at two charity events less than a week apart in September; I have lost a stone and a half since my treatment (it may be more but I haven't weighed myself recently); and most dramatically I took voluntary redundancy from the BBC where I have worked for nearly 12 years.

I write this blog from the other side of the world. In January I set off on a very big adventure of a more positive kind than the one that I went through with my health.

Not a bad place to relax!

I started off in India, traveled to Thailand, Vietnam and now Malaysia. It hasn't quite been two months so I still have three and a half months and several more countries to go. I have met lots of interesting people, seen some fantastic sights, eaten delicious food and had life changing experiences. Most of all, I feel like I have turned a page. I still feel the shadow that cancer has cast on my life, not to mention the positive outcomes it brought. But I now have something more interesting and positive to talk about.

So after a couple of months of constantly moving from place to place, I am sitting in a hotel room in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia writing to you about this new adventure I am experiencing. 

Koh Samui Spa retreat

Thanks for you joining me!

Lymphatic Cancer Awareness Week

Before I heard that I may have Lymphoma last year I didn’t even realise that there were other blood cancers than Leukaemia. But then I also had no idea that there were different types of Chemo, so getting diagnosed with Stage 2 Hodgkin Lymphoma in July was an education. Thankfully I’m now in remission.

Just as we say goodbye to London 2012 another important date in the calendar arrived. Today saw the start of Lymphatic Cancer Awareness Week.

Leukaemia & Lymphoma Research say that "around 17,000 people are diagnosed with lymphoma in the UK every year - that's one every 30 minutes"! They are far more eloquent than me about what lymphoma is and what the symptoms are, so feel free to check their website out: http://leukaemialymphomaresearch.org.uk/research/lymphatic-cancer-awareness-week 

Oh, and while you're there you might recognise a familiar face:

http://leukaemialymphomaresearch.org.uk/personal-stories/patient-stories/kat-macaulays-story

Yes, that's me!

Rather fittingly I'll be finishing this week cycling 52 miles in the London Bikeathon for Leukaemia & Lymphoma Research. This is just half of a big personal challenge as I will also be walking 20 mile's for Maggie's Centres less than a week later (more news of that to come in future posts). All this is less than a year after I finished chemo so please sponsor me:

http://www.justgiving.com/katsbigchallenge1

Where Now?

Some of you may have realised that I've not posted for quite a while. This year has been quite a tough one for me! I thought that getting rid of hodgy would be a positive turning point. What I didn't appreciate was that when my adrenaline and fighting spirit had gone and when everyone thinks you're on the road to recovery... damn, you think you are, that's when the going gets tough!

I finished treatment at the end of November and was told I could return to work. I couldn't wait! Work were amazing. They told me to ease into things and take it at my own pace, but I was impatient. I wanted to get on with my old life. My confidence was also at rock bottom. I’d put on lots of weight and felt very unattractive, I was incredibly forgetful with ‘chemo brain’, I was also very overemotional and responded badly to even a small amount of stress. This, as you can imagine wasn’t a great formula for a happy working life. I did persevere, but it was tough. I also didn’t want people to see me struggling so there was only the odd occasion that I admitted that I wasn’t coping. In retrospect I went back to work too early.

For several months I put on a brave face. This extended to my social life, although I did find myself saying no to more social events than usual. I felt like all I could really do was moan so I saw a lot less of friends. My poor boyfriend Dan was one of the few that saw me disintegrate. We hadn’t been seeing each other for long. I apologised to him for being a defective and leaky (crying lots) girlfriend. Thankfully he was an amazing support.

The turning point was when I joined the Maggie’s ‘Where Now’ course. Maggie’s Cancer Care Centre’s offer one to one sessions with skilled cancer support specialists for anyone affected. They even offer nutrition and benefits advice to people dealing with the practical elements of a diagnosis. ‘Where Now’ lasts for 6 weeks and starts with a gentle exercise session. They give nutritional, emotional, and medical management advice often around a big kitchen table over a light and very tasty nutritional meal. Mary and Elaine who led the London sessions were wonderful, so kind, patient and generous. Things generally finished with some relaxation exercises but what meant the most to me was meeting others in the same boat. I found out I wasn’t going mad!

So, Where Now? Well, thankfully, I have turned the corner. I have pretty much said goodbye to the fatigue which I felt would never go. I am generally happier, although cancer has left me with a certain shadow that has not entirely lifted. After being fairly blasé about my health previously I am also slightly hypochondriac at times! Any little ailment makes me nervous. But hope is on the horizon. I am ready for new and more positive adventures. Although, I feel very blessed to have worked at the BBC and have loved my 11 years with auntie I am taking voluntary redundancy. It probably sounds crazy during such uncertain times but I plan to draw a line under the difficult times and go travelling. I’ve always wanted to do it but now there is also another motivation. I hope that I might have more positive adventures to talk about when I return… other than the C word! Then hello freelance world…I’m on my way. Life just got very exciting… in a positive way!

Ps. There are still videos towards the end of my treatment to put up, and I will. I just needed a bit of space from Hodgy. Thank you for your patience. x

An answer to my PICC line prayers!

This is probably only of interest to other people who have PICC lines...

I've not had the easiest time with my line. I do have a video diary taking shape about it and I promise I'll post it soon.

The line has meant that I've had to deal with less needles but during the first few times I found the cleaning process slightly stressful... although that's getting easier now that the exit site is healing and is less tender. My skin also reacted badly to the initial dressings. I had an allergic reaction and my skin bubbled up which I found quite stressful.

The newer dressing, which is called Tagaderm Film, actually seems to be a lot better, which is a massive relief! The nurses have also found an alternative fastener to hold the line in place because, although they'd switched to Tagaderm the original fastener still had the initial taped adhesive which was causing me problems.

The only problem with the film though is that because it's a bit gentler it's also not great at keeping water out, so showers and baths haven't been that relaxing. I've already tried wrapping cling film round and taping it but not only is this fiddley but I don't quite seem to have the knack. However, after a bit of a google search I came across the Limbo elbow cover: LimbO Products - LimbO Adult Elbow Cover - M65. I haven't tried it yet, and there may be other products, but I'm planning to order it on Monday. Apparently they can deliver it quite speedily and it's reasonably priced at £11.45. Fingers crossed it works as I still have at least a couple of months of this line... I may even have it till the new year. I'll let you know.

Bye bye Hodgy!

Scan shows I'm all clear and have no cancer left... So just 2 months of chemo before another scan. So relieved!!! Video post on it's way....

Video Diary 7: My Second Chemo Sesh (ABVD)

I've actually managed to edit the footage from my second chemo session. I've borrowed a Flip Cam so please excuse the shakey cam!

I'm currently undergoing ABVD chemo for stage 2 Hodgkin Lymphoma. This combines four chemo drugs:
Adriamycin
bleomycin
vinblastine
dacarbazine

This video shows my lovely mum and aunt who have been a great support to me. You can also see me picking a wig whilst receiving treatment as well as the dacarbazine being administered.

This is my seventh video diary on Fri 26th August, 2011.

This is purely my own personal experience. If you have any questions or concerns about your own health, please contact a medical professional.