Monday, 20 March 2017

A letter to my body (5 years after Hodgkins Lymphoma).

There was a time I felt you'd let me down and that I couldn't trust you, but then you made miracles happen. Six years ago I discovered a lump in my neck. I thought it was just my glands... Maybe I had an infection. Turned out I had Stage 2 Hodgkin Lymphoma. I underwent four months of chemo and came out cured but broken, mentally and physically. I had post traumatic stress and later experienced panic attacks. Steroids and stress resulted in me ballooning in size. I sported a scar on my neck and arm that I hated to look at and my hair was thin and lack lustre. I'd lost confidence in you. Fast forward five years and I have two beautiful babies, thanks to you my miraculous body!
5 Years: Cancer free...
& look who's with me at the appointment!

I wasn't exactly confident in my reproductive abilities in the lead up to chemo. My consultant seemed relaxed about my chances but I heard of someone else in another part of the country having her eggs frozen,even though she was having the same treatment for the same condition as me. Well at my five years in remission check up I was able to take my twins and thank Dr Kanfer for being right that all would be OK.




It's not so much a happy ending as a new beginning filled with new challenges. And you, my lovely body have a map of our adventures together. In the crease below my tummy a line runs along where the wonderful surgeons lifted my beautiful twins from their home of nearly 9 months. My tummy is covered with stretch mark upon stretch mark created from holding my two babies to term. My breasts are a slightly different shape after providing some milk for three and a half months for two hungry mouths and I still sport a scar on my neck and arm from my brush with Hodgkins. Those scars that I found upsetting for a while are now my battle wounds joining the new ones that I am deeply proud of. They have prepared me in ways I never thought possible for this new stage in life. Some of the lessons I learnt from being a patient in hospital, listening to my body, dealing with needles better and taking each challenge with a level of humour and hope were all helpful in pregnancy. So body, thank you. I may have doubted you at times but you have done amazing things for me. May the future keep bringing healing your way and help me and my babies little bodies grow stronger each day. May all those other bodies in the world, dealing with their own challenges be granted the same!

4 comments:

  1. Inspiring stuff, Kat. You and the twins are looking great.

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  2. You're a complete marvel! Well done for being so brave, taking on your treatment head first and now for being such a cracking super muma, you totally rock and I love you xxxxxxxxx

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  3. You always make me cry Kat! That was beautifully written. I am so proud of you & what you have achieved, and so happy for you & Dan & the twins. One day they know what a helluva mum they've got!!! Cheri xxx

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