From one adventure to another...

1 & a half stone heavier & fatigued after Chemo
(Photo: Jo Clarke)

This time last year I was recovering from having Chemotherapy for Hodgkin Lymphoma. The battle against cancer was won but I felt utterly broken. Any sense of feeling attractive had gone. I was emotional, fatigued and couldn't imagine ever functioning as the old youthful Kat again.

52 miles at the London Bikeathon
(Photo Kat Howells)

Since then I have slowly improved. My energy has returned... enough to cycle 52 miles and walk 20 miles at two charity events less than a week apart in September; I have lost a stone and a half since my treatment (it may be more but I haven't weighed myself recently); and most dramatically I took voluntary redundancy from the BBC where I have worked for nearly 12 years.

I write this blog from the other side of the world. In January I set off on a very big adventure of a more positive kind than the one that I went through with my health.

Not a bad place to relax!

I started off in India, traveled to Thailand, Vietnam and now Malaysia. It hasn't quite been two months so I still have three and a half months and several more countries to go. I have met lots of interesting people, seen some fantastic sights, eaten delicious food and had life changing experiences. Most of all, I feel like I have turned a page. I still feel the shadow that cancer has cast on my life, not to mention the positive outcomes it brought. But I now have something more interesting and positive to talk about.

So after a couple of months of constantly moving from place to place, I am sitting in a hotel room in Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia writing to you about this new adventure I am experiencing. 

Koh Samui Spa retreat

Thanks for you joining me!

Cakes!

Did the title get your attention?... well it certainly got my work's and choir's. I took a whole stack of baked products in to both and they were devoured!

So what was the reason for this baking frenzy? To boost my fundraising for Maggie’s Cancer Care Centres and Leukaemia & Lymphoma Research of course. So thank you to the staff at the BBC Academy and members of the Cecil Sharp House Choir who donated an impressive £210!

Lymphatic Cancer Awareness Week

Before I heard that I may have Lymphoma last year I didn’t even realise that there were other blood cancers than Leukaemia. But then I also had no idea that there were different types of Chemo, so getting diagnosed with Stage 2 Hodgkin Lymphoma in July was an education. Thankfully I’m now in remission.

Just as we say goodbye to London 2012 another important date in the calendar arrived. Today saw the start of Lymphatic Cancer Awareness Week.

Leukaemia & Lymphoma Research say that "around 17,000 people are diagnosed with lymphoma in the UK every year - that's one every 30 minutes"! They are far more eloquent than me about what lymphoma is and what the symptoms are, so feel free to check their website out: http://leukaemialymphomaresearch.org.uk/research/lymphatic-cancer-awareness-week 

Oh, and while you're there you might recognise a familiar face:

http://leukaemialymphomaresearch.org.uk/personal-stories/patient-stories/kat-macaulays-story

Yes, that's me!

Rather fittingly I'll be finishing this week cycling 52 miles in the London Bikeathon for Leukaemia & Lymphoma Research. This is just half of a big personal challenge as I will also be walking 20 mile's for Maggie's Centres less than a week later (more news of that to come in future posts). All this is less than a year after I finished chemo so please sponsor me:

http://www.justgiving.com/katsbigchallenge1

Where Now?

Some of you may have realised that I've not posted for quite a while. This year has been quite a tough one for me! I thought that getting rid of hodgy would be a positive turning point. What I didn't appreciate was that when my adrenaline and fighting spirit had gone and when everyone thinks you're on the road to recovery... damn, you think you are, that's when the going gets tough!

I finished treatment at the end of November and was told I could return to work. I couldn't wait! Work were amazing. They told me to ease into things and take it at my own pace, but I was impatient. I wanted to get on with my old life. My confidence was also at rock bottom. I’d put on lots of weight and felt very unattractive, I was incredibly forgetful with ‘chemo brain’, I was also very overemotional and responded badly to even a small amount of stress. This, as you can imagine wasn’t a great formula for a happy working life. I did persevere, but it was tough. I also didn’t want people to see me struggling so there was only the odd occasion that I admitted that I wasn’t coping. In retrospect I went back to work too early.

For several months I put on a brave face. This extended to my social life, although I did find myself saying no to more social events than usual. I felt like all I could really do was moan so I saw a lot less of friends. My poor boyfriend Dan was one of the few that saw me disintegrate. We hadn’t been seeing each other for long. I apologised to him for being a defective and leaky (crying lots) girlfriend. Thankfully he was an amazing support.

The turning point was when I joined the Maggie’s ‘Where Now’ course. Maggie’s Cancer Care Centre’s offer one to one sessions with skilled cancer support specialists for anyone affected. They even offer nutrition and benefits advice to people dealing with the practical elements of a diagnosis. ‘Where Now’ lasts for 6 weeks and starts with a gentle exercise session. They give nutritional, emotional, and medical management advice often around a big kitchen table over a light and very tasty nutritional meal. Mary and Elaine who led the London sessions were wonderful, so kind, patient and generous. Things generally finished with some relaxation exercises but what meant the most to me was meeting others in the same boat. I found out I wasn’t going mad!

So, Where Now? Well, thankfully, I have turned the corner. I have pretty much said goodbye to the fatigue which I felt would never go. I am generally happier, although cancer has left me with a certain shadow that has not entirely lifted. After being fairly blasé about my health previously I am also slightly hypochondriac at times! Any little ailment makes me nervous. But hope is on the horizon. I am ready for new and more positive adventures. Although, I feel very blessed to have worked at the BBC and have loved my 11 years with auntie I am taking voluntary redundancy. It probably sounds crazy during such uncertain times but I plan to draw a line under the difficult times and go travelling. I’ve always wanted to do it but now there is also another motivation. I hope that I might have more positive adventures to talk about when I return… other than the C word! Then hello freelance world…I’m on my way. Life just got very exciting… in a positive way!

Ps. There are still videos towards the end of my treatment to put up, and I will. I just needed a bit of space from Hodgy. Thank you for your patience. x

Happy 2012! More vlogs to come... I promise!

Well a very happy 2012 to you all! I have to say that I shed a happy tear or two at midnight. This year has been one of the most dramatic and fascinating years of my life. I got diagnosed with Hodgkin Lymphoma back in April. I then received four months of ABVD chemotherapy to treat it. I am happy to say that I have now had my third and final PET/ CT scan and it is the second to show that I am in remission.

You'll notice that it's been a while since I last posted. My energy levels went way down, I spent a lot of time in bed and I have to say that I didn't find the last bit of my treatment that easy. As everyone said, I'd been dealing with things so well. I guess there had to be a bit of give at some point. Ironically, when I got my all clear my happiness and buoyancy levels crashed. I actually wanted to hibernate. I think I'd been so full of adrenalin and coping mechanisms that hearing I was in remission gave me a chance to step back and stop fighting. I still had a couple of months of chemo left and I'd put on a lot of weight which left me feeling pretty low.

I obviously got through that time with the fantastic help of my family, friends and my wonderful boyfriend Dan. Singing in my choir also kept me going... it really has been a tonic. I even managed to organise a traditional folk music singaround at The Windmill pub in London. The room was donated free, My friend Sam gave me a hand and my friends and the folk community supported me and helped me raise £372 for Leukaemia and Lymphoma Research.

So what now?
Well, I'm back working as a Production Trainer at The BBC Academy. I went back on the 4th January and I am very thankful that work have been so understanding and supportive. I am trying to ease in gently, as they have suggested.  But despite my energy levels and my morale remaining a bit low I am raring to just get back to normal.

And how about the blog?
Well, I have a couple of vlogs still to edit and post. One is an honest and frank look at Picc lines... from the day I went to get my line inserted, my initial trouble getting used to it, my allergies to the dressing and ways to look after it. I filmed my other vlog on the day before my last treatment. I am just about to film another very soon and I hope to continue updating things as time goes on. Remission is not the end of my story!

I hope this message finds you all well, and if not, then I hope that you are finding ways to cope. A big thank you to all of you for reading this and please forgive me for taking so long to write.

Wishing you a very happy, healthy 2012!
Kat. x

An answer to my PICC line prayers!

This is probably only of interest to other people who have PICC lines...

I've not had the easiest time with my line. I do have a video diary taking shape about it and I promise I'll post it soon.

The line has meant that I've had to deal with less needles but during the first few times I found the cleaning process slightly stressful... although that's getting easier now that the exit site is healing and is less tender. My skin also reacted badly to the initial dressings. I had an allergic reaction and my skin bubbled up which I found quite stressful.

The newer dressing, which is called Tagaderm Film, actually seems to be a lot better, which is a massive relief! The nurses have also found an alternative fastener to hold the line in place because, although they'd switched to Tagaderm the original fastener still had the initial taped adhesive which was causing me problems.

The only problem with the film though is that because it's a bit gentler it's also not great at keeping water out, so showers and baths haven't been that relaxing. I've already tried wrapping cling film round and taping it but not only is this fiddley but I don't quite seem to have the knack. However, after a bit of a google search I came across the Limbo elbow cover: LimbO Products - LimbO Adult Elbow Cover - M65. I haven't tried it yet, and there may be other products, but I'm planning to order it on Monday. Apparently they can deliver it quite speedily and it's reasonably priced at £11.45. Fingers crossed it works as I still have at least a couple of months of this line... I may even have it till the new year. I'll let you know.

Bye bye Hodgy!

Scan shows I'm all clear and have no cancer left... So just 2 months of chemo before another scan. So relieved!!! Video post on it's way....