A letter to my body (5 years after Hodgkins Lymphoma).

There was a time I felt you'd let me down and that I couldn't trust you, but then you made miracles happen. Six years ago I discovered a lump in my neck. I thought it was just my glands... Maybe I had an infection. Turned out I had Stage 2 Hodgkin Lymphoma. I underwent four months of chemo and came out cured but broken, mentally and physically. I had post traumatic stress and later experienced panic attacks. Steroids and stress resulted in me ballooning in size. I sported a scar on my neck and arm that I hated to look at and my hair was thin and lack lustre. I'd lost confidence in you. Fast forward five years and I have two beautiful babies, thanks to you my miraculous body!

5 Years: Cancer free...
& look who's with me at the appointment!

I wasn't exactly confident in my reproductive abilities in the lead up to chemo. My consultant seemed relaxed about my chances but I heard of someone else in another part of the country having her eggs frozen,even though she was having the same treatment for the same condition as me. Well at my five years in remission check up I was able to take my twins and thank Dr Kanfer for being right that all would be OK.

It's not so much a happy ending as a new beginning filled with new challenges. And you, my lovely body have a map of our adventures together. In the crease below my tummy a line runs along where the wonderful surgeons lifted my beautiful twins from their home of nearly 9 months. My tummy is covered with stretch mark upon stretch mark created from holding my two babies to term. My breasts are a slightly different shape after providing some milk for three and a half months for two hungry mouths and I still sport a scar on my neck and arm from my brush with Hodgkins. Those scars that I found upsetting for a while are now my battle wounds joining the new ones that I am deeply proud of. They have prepared me in ways I never thought possible for this new stage in life. Some of the lessons I learnt from being a patient in hospital, listening to my body, dealing with needles better and taking each challenge with a level of humour and hope were all helpful in pregnancy. So body, thank you. I may have doubted you at times but you have done amazing things for me. May the future keep bringing healing your way and help me and my babies little bodies grow stronger each day. May all those other bodies in the world, dealing with their own challenges be granted the same!

An answer to my PICC line prayers!

This is probably only of interest to other people who have PICC lines...

I've not had the easiest time with my line. I do have a video diary taking shape about it and I promise I'll post it soon.

The line has meant that I've had to deal with less needles but during the first few times I found the cleaning process slightly stressful... although that's getting easier now that the exit site is healing and is less tender. My skin also reacted badly to the initial dressings. I had an allergic reaction and my skin bubbled up which I found quite stressful.

The newer dressing, which is called Tagaderm Film, actually seems to be a lot better, which is a massive relief! The nurses have also found an alternative fastener to hold the line in place because, although they'd switched to Tagaderm the original fastener still had the initial taped adhesive which was causing me problems.

The only problem with the film though is that because it's a bit gentler it's also not great at keeping water out, so showers and baths haven't been that relaxing. I've already tried wrapping cling film round and taping it but not only is this fiddley but I don't quite seem to have the knack. However, after a bit of a google search I came across the Limbo elbow cover: LimbO Products - LimbO Adult Elbow Cover - M65. I haven't tried it yet, and there may be other products, but I'm planning to order it on Monday. Apparently they can deliver it quite speedily and it's reasonably priced at £11.45. Fingers crossed it works as I still have at least a couple of months of this line... I may even have it till the new year. I'll let you know.

Video Diary 7: My Second Chemo Sesh (ABVD)

I've actually managed to edit the footage from my second chemo session. I've borrowed a Flip Cam so please excuse the shakey cam!

I'm currently undergoing ABVD chemo for stage 2 Hodgkin Lymphoma. This combines four chemo drugs:
Adriamycin
bleomycin
vinblastine
dacarbazine

This video shows my lovely mum and aunt who have been a great support to me. You can also see me picking a wig whilst receiving treatment as well as the dacarbazine being administered.

This is my seventh video diary on Fri 26th August, 2011.

This is purely my own personal experience. If you have any questions or concerns about your own health, please contact a medical professional.